Merry Christmas!

A special blend of new and old traditions.  For years we gathered at my brother's home after the Christmas Eve candlelight service at church, a change from years at my mom's once my brother became our Pastor and lived next door to the church!  It's been a year of good-byes, first my brother moving, then my Dad passing away in November and my Mom in June.  I didn't think we were going to do any big gathering but the babyMomma looked quite unhappy at the idea....so my heart melted and I opened my home.  BabyMomma made a festive and adorable birthday cake to celebrate and remember her Christmas Eve baby, Charlie, who left us at the age of 2 + in 2014.  So, on what would have been his 5th birthday we got to light some candles and sing with family and had the joy of watching two 2nd cousins and his little sister blow out candles.

Grateful for this precious gift who has helped us refocus and find JOY through all the goodbyes.

A Beautiful Day

Dearest Amber Pie,

It is a beautiful day today.  The bluest of blue skies without a cloud yet this morning.  There is the slightest of breezes every now and then in the tippiest tops of the trees....or is it birds landing on branches as they flit around gathering in groups for their long southerly flights.  It is warming up and should be in the mid-eighties today.  Six years ago it seems to me it was a very similar day.  A cool start to the day with a warm finish.  God was very good to us that day.  Your grandfather was gearing up for his second deployment, this time to Afghanistan, and was away for training most of the time.  He was going to be gone the whole month of October which is when you were due to arrive.  You arrived early by about 3 weeks and Grampy was home on a very rare 4 day weekend!!!!  He wasn't sure if he had a cold or allergies, so he took necessary precautions.

I was so very lucky.  With Grampy deploying, your Momma and Daddy came to live with me so I wouldn't be alone.  That meant I got to see you every day and what a priceless gift that was to be.

You lived a lifetime in 3 years 8 months and 1 day.  We learned to appreciate and look for the tiniest things.  While other parents are eager to mark first steps, we were amazed when you slept on your stomach for the FIRST time ... after your first birthday!  You taught us how to listen nonverbally.  You could speak volumes with your face and when you got stronger your body language as well.  You had a giant personality and have left a huge hole.  Oh how you would get a kick out of your baby sister.  She loves to look at your pictures on my kitchen cabinets....although your mom and I sometimes wonder if she thinks they are pictures of her.  It is amazing how much she looks like you.  This year you would be in Kindergarten with your second cousin, Keira.  You would be getting ready for your first Nutcracker performance.  Your mom packed so much into the 3 years 8 months and 1 day that you were here that today, while I miss you terribly, I am mostly ok, grateful for the fun that we had, for the joy that you brought us, even for the stress and fear....we had to grow in ways we never expected just to keep you alive on many occasions.  

Today my heart is in a few places, .... hurting for your mom and dad....looking forward to the day I can be with you forever.....and in Boston with Aunt Jenny while she waits in a waiting room for Uncle Al.   Precious baby girl, once again God has put us in a place that we cannot understand but we need to trust and rest in his unfailing love, his faithfulness and his goodness.

Grammy is not doing well with words today, but a candle is lit and my heart is singing Happy Birthday and holding you close.  How glad I am that your mom and dad gave you such a special 3rd birthday party, with other little girls.  Your smile will be with me always.

all my love forever and always,

Grammie

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philipians 4:6

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12

Celebrating a Special Day and Surviving

I woke up Wednesday morning with a song.....loud and strong in my head and heart...."Thank You Lord"....not the whole song just the chorus

With a grateful heart

with a song of praise

with an outstretched arm

I'll praise your name

Thank you Lord

I just want to thank you Lord!

Thank you Lord

I just want to thank you Lord!

Thank you Lord

I couldn't shake the song, hummed it, whistled it, sang it out loud, sang it to myself, all day.

After the grandbaby boy's breakfast, he gets to watch Sesame Street while he plays.  The episode for that day, Wednesday, Amber's birthday, was the Flower Show episode.  Amber got to go to The New England Flower Show twice.  Once at 1 1/2 and the second time this past March!  It was a grand outing and she was so happy to get out of the house as we had been house bound much of the winter.

Caillou came on later.  Not a show we watch very often.  Caillou's class was supposed to have a field trip to the fire station but couldn't go.  Instead, they went to a butterfly conservatory.  Amber LOVED butterflies and had been to a few butterfly conservatories/farms/places. 

 We ended our day with this scene from the garden.  I had the wrong camera lens for this shot, but ok to track the balloons for a bit....

We couldn't sing but we let four purple balloons go from the garden and then said the family birthday prayer and watched star candles go out on their own, one by one, on our cupcakes.  The babyMomma's cupcake, with the purple star candle, was the last to go out.

Thank you Lord, for 3 years 8 months and 1 day with our precious baby girl.  She had an amazing smile, a larger than life personality, and could communicate so well without saying a word.  Thank you Lord for the sweet little blessings throughout that first birthday that we didn't think we could possibly get through.  Thank you for the two cards that arrived ON her birthday, one for her parents and one for her grandparents, that let us know someone was thinking and praying for us to have the strength and comfort to get through the day.

Throw Back Thursday?

Showers and thunderstorms on and off today reflect the mood as anniversary dates approach.

Today is one.  Four years ago we were giddy with anticipation and celebrating the BabyMomma with a shower.  We knew baby would be a girl and we knew her name would be Amber.

My mom included a few baby things from long ago, a hand embroidered bib and plate and pitcher that were my dad's from the early 20's.  Shoes and stockings that belonged to my mom's 3 year old sister.  A doll carriage that was my mom's as well as a flannel kimono her grandmother made for my mom's baby.

It was a "wash day" theme, with such sweet little things hanging on the lines.  Grandbaby girl sure did surprise us by arriving a week after the shower instead of three or four weeks later when she was expected.  What unbelievable life she packed into those all too short three years and 8 months.  What indescribable joy she brought us.  What lessons she taught us ~ primarily about expectations and limitations.    

The babyMomma has always been a planner, and a party planner extraordinaire.  I can just feel her pain and angst as there is nothing to plan but it feels like there should be.  We don't really know how to do this first birthday without the precious birthday girl.  The birthday sign is still up ~ I put it up for your birthday month and with Charlie's arrival the sign pretty much stays up from August through January.  Now September is here and today not knowing exactly what to do, I took down babyMomma's name, and put Amber's up.  I don't know if that's right or wrong.....but it just felt so wrong and empty without it.  I need to find the little pink and purple tissue paper blossom that has adorned the sign the past three years.  Then it will feel complete.....almost.

Acorn's Promise

  

A beautiful birthday gift....two, actually.  Two quilt kits full or material that is just gorgeous.  I hate to begin the process, laying it out and making that "do or die" first cut.  Without the cutting, it will never achieve the potential it has...to be something even more beautiful.

Quite the Week...But It's Only Wednesday!

Quite the week and quite the show going on around here.  We seem to have been having more than our share of gloomy, wet and cold but for a moment Monday morning the sky was glorious and I do mean the whole sky!!  I almost missed it but looked up in time to just drop my jaw and run from window to window.  This was a sunrise that spanned the sky, it lit up my WEST facing front yard as if someone turned a spot light on!  The colors went from pink to pumpkin and eventually gray but it was just SPECTACULAR!!  I managed to snap a picture out one window, but it doesn't quite do it justice.

Tuesday was my birthday and I "felt the earth move under my feet."  A 4.0 earthquake in Maine that only lasted for a few seconds was felt throughout much of New England.  My husband and I were eating at a Rainforest Cafe and didn't think it was part of the special effects but thought maybe there was a hidden hallway behind us behind the wall and they were moving something really big and heavy.  Moments later a text message from our daughter informed us of the earthquake.  She told us our house actually shook as though a really strong wind was blowing.  I've had snow on my birthday before, but this is a first!  My hubby gets points for wishing me a happy 6th birthday and my daughter outdid herself with two very special handmade cards ~ one hand painted birch trees and the other my grandbabies' hand tracings!!

Wednesday began in Boston at a hotel near the airport with hubby catching a shuttle to the airport at 4 am.  I tried to catch a little more sleep and ventured out into traffic by 8.  It was a beautiful ride home!  I am always amazed when I work myself up into a tizzy, worried about traffic and finding my way, it seems as though the sky could not be bluer, the way more clear, traffic tolerable, and the show of foliage all the way home was just gorgeous.  The rest of the day was just full, with a funeral for a dear woman in her 90's who loved and served her Lord and Savior, then running some errands for my parents and finally settling in at home to hear from my husband that it's 75 degrees and his hotel room overlooks the bay in San Diego.

Normal

Yesterday was such an incredible day!!!  The culmination of a dream and planning and preparation and a brave leap of faith.  A birthday party for a 3 year-old attended by eight 2, 3, and 4 year-olds accompanied by moms with a few dear friends.  An Abby Cadabby themed party

 as Abby was the first character who captured my granddaughter's heart and attention through a video screen and still does.  Other than a few visits with 2nd cousins, the birthday girl has not had the privilege of play dates or Sunday School.  She has been living the life of a shut-in especially during the winter months.  This summer was just too hot and humid for her to be outside much and she was so sick the month of July.  So, yesterday really was an incredible leap of faith.  A guest list was made, invitations mailed, and then lots of praying.  Would Grandbaby girl be healthy or would we have to cancel?  Would the invited guests be healthy or would no little ones be able to come?  Would the day be too hot for the birthday girl or rainy and we'd have to be inside where her toys and air-space would be compromised??

We were just incredibly blessed!  A blue-sky, breezy, cool day!!  Outside it was with canopies for shade and plenty of open space for little ones to run. Grandbaby girl was healthy!!!  Only one little guest had to cancel due to possible illness and her other grandparents and Aunts will be coming for their own visit next week.

The other fear ~ how would the little ones respond to the birthday girl?  She looks more like a baby than their peer, she is on oxygen, she can't sit very well, can't walk without a special gait-trainer, can't "talk" understandably, can't blow out her own candles, can't eat cake.  How would the birthday girl respond to all the commotion of a party and all the little ones??

She was in her element and as I carried her around to greet her guests (down on one knee at their level), she smiled and did her special kissy greeting, and the girls got a one-on-one look, but most did wave or say hi or blow a kiss in return.  She sat in her specially decorated little booster seat on a blanket on the ground with the girls sitting around her so they were all the same height.  Candles were lit on cupcakes for the girls and they each blew out their own candle so the birthday girl could see lit candles but did not have to contend with one of her own.  While a clown was face painting, the birthday girl wanted to lay down on the blanket and gab with one of her guests.

 Pretty soon two or three were sitting around her, one brought a book she and her mom had brought for a card (we had said no gifts) and another one was trying to read it to grandbaby girl.

  When most of the guests were running around with their tutus and wings and wands, we decided to put the birthday girl in her gait trainer.  She is not strong enough to really move it well on grass, but Grampa moved her near to the action, and one of the 2 year-olds decided to push her around!!

  It was just the most precious afternoon ever!!!  Party guests seemed surprised at the no gifts request, but what they didn't realize was that they were the gift!!!  I do not have a vocabulary big enough to describe how I felt watching her face throughout the afternoon.  An afternoon to just feel normal.  Simply amazing.

Happy Birthday to my One and Only

 I'm so sorry you have a cold for your birthday and that you forgot your coffee and that I'm not a party person....you deserve a big old celebration!!  Three birthdays you've been far, far away from us and last year we were just with my parents....having an "early-bird" dinner in Florida...how fitting for hitting mid-century!!  Now you are home and we have medically fragile grandchildren not to mention all the equipment both baby and medical .....but I want you to know what a treasure you are to me.

  When you bring me flowers just because they were pretty, and you didn't even look at the price tag.  I am no fun and all business and you, with the gruff exterior, are such a romantic.  I'm stuck in ruts and routines and practicality and you go to the heart of the matter with so much heart.

I know someone else who is just completely smitten with you as well.  I am so very glad I met you 30 years ago!  Happy Birthday!!

Christmas Eve

A very special gift.....a baby boy born with a different set of expectations than most...arrived this morning in the wee dark hours 2:52 to be precise!  4 pounds 13 ounces and 18 inches of pure joy.  Such a strange Christmas this year with young Warrior far, far away; babyMomma with hubby and grandson Charlie in the hospital in the big city; my dad in a nursing home/rehab; and the two of us taking care of  big sister.  I'm so glad Christmas is so much more than family traditions.  Merry Christmas to all!! 

                                                               and to all a good night!!

Do I See a Theme?

An apron made by an Amish woman in Northern Maine (a gift from my sister), books from my hubby, tied with twine,  an amazing cake created by my daughter, and an unexpected delightful surprise .... a book for the Grammy bookshelf, on my windshield when I left church Sunday night!!...(from a very special blogger friend), Sunday dinner with my parents, daughter, granddaughter, and three out of four siblings, and a yummy Edible Arrangement from my son who is far, far away...with a card that made us HOWL!

Flashback Friday

Going through a box of slides at my parents' home, I discovered this!  I had only ever seen black and white snap shots, and most from my toddler years.  This was such a delight to come across....although, why did my mom put me in blue??

This is from my 10th birthday.  My oldest brother was married that summer. While we were in Pennsylvania for the wedding, a hurricane blew up the coast, picked up our above-ground pool and left it in a mangled heap quite a distance from where it belonged.  The spot where the pool had been became our fire-pit, so a perfect place for a brisk October night birthday.  My birthday cake was always  a "3-Holer" chocolate cake baked in a tube pan and frosted with chocolate peanut-butter frosting.  This one had jack-o'lantern peeps, licorice sticks and a small, plastic pumpkin filled with a few candy treats.  Quite a treat!  

I don't know how my mother made that frosting.  I have tried unsuccessfully for years!  I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I'm going to be......(gulp)......f-f-f-f-f-............yup, can't quite say it.  I know, it's only a number.

Contentment

Flowers on the kitchen window sill with the sun rising in the background

A project finally finished

I hand quilted a swirly, floral pattern on the border, never thought it could be so peaceful!  It turned out to be a great stress reliever at the end of each day.

Oh my, Peach Pie!!  A neighbor brought over peaches from their trees and my daughter made her first ever peach pie!!  None of us had ever had peach pie or ever had a desire to have peach pie but after all that work, it looked amazing, smelled wonderful, and we can't wait for her to make another one!!  Delicious!!!!

Someone very special is turning two this week!!  She had a very busy day working with her physical therapist.  She uses the box lid as a tray, sitting on the floor with her legs under it.  I think she's the picture of contentment!

The Rock

A favorite poem by David McCord:

This is my rock,
And here I run
To steal the secret of the sun;

This is my rock,
And here come I
Before the night has swept the sky,

This is my rock,
This is the place
I meet the evening face to face.

Reminds me of a favorite song/chorus that I can only remember a piece of but it is the PEACE in the song that permeates my spirit and reminds me of My Rock..."Jesus, I am resting, resting" I don't know why I can never seem to remember the rest but that is enough for me.

My favorite birthday present~ a rock my son in his mid teens brought all the way up a steep hill from the edge of the swamp. When my children were very young, I would take them on swamp walks following an old stone wall on the edge of our property, down the hill steeply till it disappeared into the swamp/beaver pond. The last rock before it became submerged was a distinct white rock, I always raved about it because it was so unique from the gray stones that made up the rest. One birthday, my son decided to give me that rock for my present, asked his dad to help and they pried it away from the rest and rolled it up the hill to put in my garden. Funny how a rock can melt your heart...and remind you to rest.