Friday, November 29, 2013


An idea that came to me over the summer, made a call around the time of Amber's birthday, and this morning on a cold, crisp blue sky November morning....the day after Thanksgiving....the fellow arrived from Leominster Monument Company and proceeded to etch a permanent-ish remembrance into "Strawberry."  Strawberry is a big rock that was excavated from our front yard to make way for a screened in porch the summer the babyMomma was born.  As she and her brother grew, they would play hide and seek around it and hone their jumping and climbing skills.  It was a big deal to get on top of Strawberry without any help!  When we moved out of the trailer and built this house, Strawberry was moved to this small garden area in front of our house.  We've taken pictures of Amber and Charlie on this rock.  I was looking for a more natural look, but we went with black inside the letters as the rock is not as hard as granite and he couldn't go too deep.  Hopefully this will remain for a very long time.....and will motivate hubby and I to reclaim and recreate the garden around it.

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

How to Remember

They started popping up almost immediately.  The first on a tiny table at the top of the stairs outside the bedrooms

The second began on a special spot at the end of the kitchen bar usually reserved for birthday cards, Christmas nativities, a place of honor.  That first week it just grew, quietly.  I never saw things added, but they would just be there.  Even now, it is slightly changed but I do not have a most recent picture.  I'm wrestling with what to do.  Babymomma's nativity should go here....or mine.....and when they move, this will go too.  

The third I have no idea when it began but I am guessing it was also within hours of hearing the news. I never expected to find this little grouping at Great Gramma's.

And the fourth.  This didn't appear for about a month.  The tiny little urn was at the end of the kitchen bar for awhile, and on the dining room table for awhile, and finally Grampy carried it with love and tenderness out to the living room for safe keeping.
 Hard to believe it has been 6 months.  I am discovering that my body just knows the date each month and while I think I've been doing ok, I find myself dipping down into just a deep blue and I don't know why.  And then I hear someone say what day it is, or I happen to glance at the calendar, and I realize.....Last week was pretty awful...well, the last two weeks to be honest....back to the suffocating, physically exhausting grief, the so tired but can not sleep grief.....6 months.  The little plaque in the first picture sums it up..."Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart."

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Special Memories and Making New Ones

A VACATION!!!  Unheard of in these parts but it actually happened!!  A few years ago, we bought my parents' week at a time share in New Hampshire.  It held special memories for us as we'd been spending  a weekend there with them on and off since our son was just shy of a year old.  Our daughter honeymooned there, not the best time of year for that, and last year her family spent the week there with hubby and I coming for the weekend.  A place with many, many memories.
This is precious grandbabygirl when she is just over a month old.  We were just beginning the year of diagnostic testing.  Hubby and I weren't on this trip, but Great Grands and the babyMomma's second momma (aunt) and uncle and their married son and his wife.

The grandbabygirl and her parents retreated for a few days after receiving her diagnosis of I-Cell disease.  A trip up the auto road to the summit of Mt. Washington!!  Sunny and blue sky soon to be swallowed up by clouds at the summit.Last year.  Lots of water pounding through Diana's Baths and all of us being entertained by the dancing BabyMomma while Dad took the picture.

She was such a goof ball.  Throwing herself sideways to keep tabs on me.

 This year just hubby and I went....for an ENTIRE WEEK!  It was bittersweet, so many memories of my folks and although they are still here, traveling is quite difficult.  The condo was just brim full with their presence, though.  Mom loved the tiny kitchen, making big Sunday dinners for the weekend crowd.  For years she valiantly tried to spot clean the rugs, treating the place as if it were her home even though during ski season it takes a beating.  All the puzzles made at the small table in the living room!  And memories of sweet grandbabygirl.

We weren't sure we would be able to muster any smiles, hiking through Diana's Baths and Cathedral Ledge as if it were our duty.  We had just figured out how to use the timing feature on our camera and that produced lots of smiles for the most part, as I would nearly knock hubby down trying to get into the shot in time!!  That was a great distraction and helped smooth out the lumps in our throats.  We also did a Canopy Tour at Bretton Woods - 9 zip lines, three suspension bridges and two rappels!!!  That certainly did a lot towards creating new memories.
And we found this paver in the village.  Although only hubby has Irish roots, our hearts are definitely full.