Tuesday, November 26, 2013

How to Remember

They started popping up almost immediately.  The first on a tiny table at the top of the stairs outside the bedrooms

The second began on a special spot at the end of the kitchen bar usually reserved for birthday cards, Christmas nativities, a place of honor.  That first week it just grew, quietly.  I never saw things added, but they would just be there.  Even now, it is slightly changed but I do not have a most recent picture.  I'm wrestling with what to do.  Babymomma's nativity should go here....or mine.....and when they move, this will go too.  

The third I have no idea when it began but I am guessing it was also within hours of hearing the news. I never expected to find this little grouping at Great Gramma's.

And the fourth.  This didn't appear for about a month.  The tiny little urn was at the end of the kitchen bar for awhile, and on the dining room table for awhile, and finally Grampy carried it with love and tenderness out to the living room for safe keeping.
 Hard to believe it has been 6 months.  I am discovering that my body just knows the date each month and while I think I've been doing ok, I find myself dipping down into just a deep blue and I don't know why.  And then I hear someone say what day it is, or I happen to glance at the calendar, and I realize.....Last week was pretty awful...well, the last two weeks to be honest....back to the suffocating, physically exhausting grief, the so tired but can not sleep grief.....6 months.  The little plaque in the first picture sums it up..."Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart."


  1. I have not lost a child or grandchild,but I have said good-bye to mu husband,so I understand the grief which comes on those special days. Even after three years I still feel a deep sadness around the time of his passing.May find renewed comfort each time a season of grief visits you.

  2. <3...cant seem to find any words. Love the small places for remembrances...similar places here. Oh how we all miss her....