Throw Back Thursday?

Showers and thunderstorms on and off today reflect the mood as anniversary dates approach.

Today is one.  Four years ago we were giddy with anticipation and celebrating the BabyMomma with a shower.  We knew baby would be a girl and we knew her name would be Amber.

My mom included a few baby things from long ago, a hand embroidered bib and plate and pitcher that were my dad's from the early 20's.  Shoes and stockings that belonged to my mom's 3 year old sister.  A doll carriage that was my mom's as well as a flannel kimono her grandmother made for my mom's baby.

It was a "wash day" theme, with such sweet little things hanging on the lines.  Grandbaby girl sure did surprise us by arriving a week after the shower instead of three or four weeks later when she was expected.  What unbelievable life she packed into those all too short three years and 8 months.  What indescribable joy she brought us.  What lessons she taught us ~ primarily about expectations and limitations.    

The babyMomma has always been a planner, and a party planner extraordinaire.  I can just feel her pain and angst as there is nothing to plan but it feels like there should be.  We don't really know how to do this first birthday without the precious birthday girl.  The birthday sign is still up ~ I put it up for your birthday month and with Charlie's arrival the sign pretty much stays up from August through January.  Now September is here and today not knowing exactly what to do, I took down babyMomma's name, and put Amber's up.  I don't know if that's right or wrong.....but it just felt so wrong and empty without it.  I need to find the little pink and purple tissue paper blossom that has adorned the sign the past three years.  Then it will feel complete.....almost.