One Year - May 19th

I don't know how I feel today....or how I should feel.  I wanted to mark the exact time that we had spent in the garden saying good-bye but I don't know exactly what time that was.

Today began clear and sunny and breezy.  A beautiful spring day, blue and green and yellow, and cool.

People have been praying for us, I know, and God seemingly gave us lots of distractions today to help.

I broke a tooth yesterday and the dentist fit me in this morning.

The babyMomma has been teaching ballet this year, with the recital on Friday.  Dress rehearsal was today, of all days, so that pretty much kept her moving and focused.

A new puppy has joined the family...or should I say I have a new grand-puppy.  A Brittany spaniel, bred from the babyDaddy's dog.  Sprocket.  A good distraction.  The babyDaddy spent an hour this morning having coffee, remembering his children, and chuckling watching these two puppies play.  I think Petey is going to enjoy having Sprocket for a partner in crime.

But, the hole is still here and the aching sense of loss.  I can't hear her soft, low giggle.  Her sweet "Ga" that she called me.  Her little kisses.  Her little special way of blowing kisses.  Her love of percussion and "dance" and music.  Her way of tasting a drink with her fingers since she couldn't drink without thickeners.  Her ways of initiating play that were so very special and surprising.  Her faces and wicked sense of humor.  Her unique way of throwing her weight around to lead me like a pony where she wanted to go.  Her enveloping smile.

I wish we could have seen her with Petey.  I'm sure she would adore Sprocket.  I am grateful she has Charlie with her now and that they are both worshipping as they could not do here.  I cannot wait to see them again.

I ache for my loss, and her parents' loss, and my parents' loss, and the loss felt by her Pennsylvania family whose time with her was even more limited due to distance...

A picture I recently found on my mom's camera.  On Amber's 3rd birthday, the babyMomma, nurse and I took Amber to my parents as they were unable to come to her party.  Amber and her great-gramma were both "shut-ins" for a great deal of those 3 years.  On the occasions when they were both out somewhere, Amber would give great-gramma a look of surprise and recognition that the babyMomma interpreted as "They let you out too???"

Warblers Out My Window

Terrible pictures but it's the best I could do from inside.

Yellow-Rumped Warbler

Yellow Rumped Warbler

American Redstart!  First time sighting for me!!

So hard to snatch a picture of as it never sat still!!  I wish I could have got a shot of it as it "dropped" straight down out of a branch and then flashed wings and tail!  Quite the sight.

Chestnut Sided Warbler.....I think

Sunday Sighting

Hubby spotted motion in the trees while having his coffee this morning.  This was a first for the two of us!

 A pair of Wood Ducks were in an oak tree right outside the house.  I ran for the camera, they flew.  The male landed on top of a ten foot tall pine tree stump.  A great spot for a cavity nester.

 The red squirrels play King of the Mountain on this stump and this squirrel came up the side once to sneak a peak at what was on top of his stump.  The second time he came up the duck flew off and the squirrel claimed the top spot.

 I was able to spot the male before he flew again.

Wordless Wednesday

Hiking

My sister and I are attempting to get into a good hiking/walking schedule as a way to work through grief and work off the fifteen or so pounds we've put on since her hips made it impossible to walk since 2010!!!  I'm driving her crazy on the hikes, though, because if I hear a bird, I have to stop and try to identify it.  It's not easy once you do see movement, to then find it with binoculars!!  Our first hike we were fortunate to have three Golden-crowned Kinglets pretty much fall at our feet, maybe ten yards away.  We had been hearing them, and suddenly three just spiraled out of a tall pine and landed on the ground so close.  Yesterday we got the babyMomma to hike with us up Mount Watatic.  We chose not to summit, just a two mile plus scramble up to the NH/MA state line and then a loop through old hemlock and beech trees back to the cart path down to the car.  While navigating mud, we were entertained by bird song but couldn't see any.  Finally we were able to spot some movement and saw our first warblers of the season, Yellow-rumped Warblers and Black-and-white Warblers.  We also spotted moose prints in the mud.

The only camera we had with us was my sister's not very smart phone.  The picture doesn't do the size of the print or depth of the print justice.  I need to find my old camera and stick it in my backpack.  The hikes are just glorious, at the moment not too strenuous, but we're moving and it is so quiet apart from birds.  It amazes me to see old stonewalls through the woods and realize there used to be high pastures through here.  We're trying to get three good walks in a week and build up to do Mount Washington or Katahdin in August.  We'll see.  I'm grateful my sister has two new hips and that we only saw hoof prints and not a real live moose!