One Month Ago

I am just breathless today.  The forsythia is blooming bright yellow, the exuberant color in The Shopkeeper's Bear that you loved.  The yellow is a stark contrast to the cold, gray sky and the rain that has been steady most of the day.  One month ago we visited you at Children's Hospital.  Your eyes were closed and you were wearing a CPap mask (or was it Bi-pap?  I'm not sure).  You were sleeping, sort of, I'm not sure what kind of medications you were on at that point, but before we left you were beginning to have moments of fitful coughing.  That was the last day we saw any movement of your own.  How I wish I had gone to see you Saturday.  Grampy and I left our house early that morning.  Your dad was home - his first Saturday off!!  He had just changed his work route so that he would have weekends off.  Grampy was disappointed not to be able to come watch cartoons with you and mommy so he made an appointment for our car so we would be occupied that morning and not miss you too much.   The car appointment took way longer than we expected so we only came home for a short hour before heading out again.  Grampy and Daddy carried a piece of furniture over to your house but you were already in your room for your afternoon nap.  While we were out doing our errands your momma sent us a text that you were not doing well, fever that wouldn't come down and she was putting you on the monitor to check your oxygen levels.  We decided to eat supper out and while we were eating we received another text from your mom saying they were taking you to Boston.  Oh how I miss you!  I cannot fathom how you left us so quickly.

This was Thursday afternoon, chatting with Grampy on his way home from work.  You were zipping around the dance floor while mommy and Grammie set up for ballet.  I love you so very much, sweet boy, and I miss you more than words can express.