I am finding it interesting what loss can do to motivation. Since my children were little (twenty years ago?) and could play outside on their own with moderate supervision, I've had flower beds. I could garden and keep an eye and ears on them yet they had the satisfaction of independence. The flower beds were dug up, heeled in at my parents' home while a new house was built, then transplanted over time to new beds here. I'm not a perfect gardener, but I was happy with how things looked. Weeding, dead-heading, rearranging. Then LOSS. 2005 - 2006 An eighteen-month deployment. It was the hardest thing I had ever faced. Alone with two teenagers, no husband, no promise of a safe return. I slugged through the days; lived on the computer scanning for news. Motivation for doing much of anything was gone. The flower beds took the worst hit and never quite recovered. Since his return and through his last deployment, it didn't get any better. Invasive weeds and transplants from birds and chipmunks have created a tangled jungle that gets mowed with a tractor twice a year!!! Phase two of loss. Permanent loss of precious grandbaby girl. Hubby and I tackled the garden. Drastic cutting, digging. Plans to move a lot of things out this fall and transform it into what it looked like in the beginning, with a path and little tucked away things that my little ones enjoyed. Meanwhile, grandbaby girl's paternal grandparents have been hard at work creating a special garden. And grandbaby girl's parents are trying their hand at raising a small batch of butterflies and creating a special garden of their own.
Loss does affect each one in a different way and I might add that this changes with time. Shortly after my husband passed away,I was energized to keep up with the gardens and now 2 ½ years later,I am slowly letting go of some of my flower beds. I trust that as you work your way through the grieving process and the gardens you will find healing.
ReplyDelete